Kapow Saturday: The Con is On!

After two days at Kapow! Comic Con, it's fair to say that real life is just dull. If I could run around in costume all the time, meeting my idols and chatting to people who share all my interests and don't start looking for the exits if I mention comics, then I would. Kapow was a brilliant experience and an enormous amount of fun. Here's how it went down.

Day One

My first thoughts as I arrived: Holy shit. There are a whole lot of people who like comics.

Saturday was by far the busiest day of the two and it was pretty manic. But maybe the Tube has just desensitised me to large crowds, because I didn't feel squashed at all. I came with former-housemate and fellow-nerd Helga, and we dived in, orientated like crazy and headed straight for the first panel: Jonathan Ross' pros vs fans gameshow. It was a gameshow in the sense that Shooting Stars is a gameshow, with rounds including 'intentional or accidental?' with pictures like these:

Next stop was Merlin. After much deliberation between Merlin and Mark Gatiss, I followed my loins towards Colin Morgan and Bradley James. This taught me a valuable lesson: attractive people are boring. A mere five minutes into the Merlin panel I was regretting my shallow decision. Merlin was the disappointment of the weekend for me, with everyone bar the honorable exception of Katie McGrath looking like they had somewhere better to be. Case in point: Bradley James, who, it seems, was both hungover and texting. Who says men can't multi-task?

After this came the long winding queue for the Mark Millar signing. Here's where I learnt that comic cons are the only place in the world where queuing is actually fun. Helga and I got chatting to the people around us, including con-buddy Alex (oddly enough, in a room of 5,000 people, we kept bumping into the same people again and again. By the end of the weekend I'd made lot of new Facebook friends and Twitter followers!) Our queue went past the signing table of Nicest Man in Comics Paul Cornell, and after two hours of solid signing he still saw us waving and came over to see if we wanted anything signing while we were stuck in a queue. The man is a God-damn hero. Buy his stuff and line his pockets.

You know who's also nice? Mark Millar! He happily signed our stuff and chatted, congratulating me on getting Helga into comics, then posed for this awesome picture:

At the end of the day we got another disappointment when, after an hour of queuing, we didn't get into the Thor panel. (This is also how we learnt that the 'rule' about only queuing 45mins before a panel is never adhered to) Sad about not being able to ogle Chris Hemsworth, we headed for the exit. But just as we were passing the IGN stage they announced that Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston (Loki) would be doing an interview there for the people who didn't get into the panel! So we did get to ogle! Tom Hiddleston was intelligent and funny, and Chris Hemsworth was - I'm sorry, was he talking? Can you blame me for losing focus somewhat?

I hear that the Thor footage was very well received, with a tantalising Hawkeye cameo from Jeremy Renner (I didn't even see it and I was excited) and Hemsworth winning fans over when asked if Thor would be an extended advert for The Avengers. "Thor is an advert for Iron Man 3" he replied, no doubt with an Aussie twinkle in his eyes.

So, that's pretty much the highlights from Day One. Add in a lot of photos posing with cool things (the TARDIS!) and time spending money on comics and hunting down free swag, and you've pretty much got my day.

Next post: onto Day Two!

Splat! Bang! Kapow!

Kapow Comic Con is mere days away, my first ever comic con! After years of secret nerdiness I'm stepping out in public in fishnets and a top hat, no less (yes, I'm cosplaying Zatanna. Speaking of which: boots or pumps? What do you reckon?)

It's not just the panels that I'm excited about - it's the whole atmosphere. For the last few years I've looking longingly at grainy You Tube videos from the San Diego ComicCon. How much did I wish I'd been there when the entire Avengers line-up was unveiled last year? For someone like me it's the equivalent of being able to say "I was at Live Aid".

Britain has always been regarded as cultured and restrained rather than geeky. Hell, even our sci-fi icon chooses to travel through time meeting famous authors and politicians rather than Blowing Shit Up. So it's about time that we showed that we can do nerdy just as well as the Americans. Hopefully, Kapow will take off and it will become a mark of honour for a comic, film or TV programme to show there. Mark Miller already has some panels lined up for next year (pleeeaaase let The Hobbit be amongst them...) so let's hope that this weekend I get to be present at the birth of a tradition.

Plus, where else can I dress as Zatanna and not be taken for a whore?

So here's what I'm looking forward to most:

DC Creators Panel
This'll be one I go to on my own. The friends I'm going with aren't really into comics unless they're being adapted for the screen, so I'll be sitting by myself getting quietly very excited.

Thor
I'm not into Thor. At all. But my housemate showed me a picture of Chris Hemsworth and I've decided I may have to rethink my position on Thor. Plus, I suspect that it could also be Movie X, especially since they've gone to the trouble of flying their lead actor over.

Toby Whithouse
I love Being Human. I am also a writer. Therefore, Toby Whithouse is one of my heroes. This is especially exciting for me since I once had tickets to hear him talk and missed it because I was laid up with flu. Screw you, illness! Who's laughing now?!

Misfits
Unfortunately, this panel is shared with Skins and is missing two crucial components: Robert Sheehan and Howard Overman. But Misfits is Misfits, and Iwan Rheon and Lauren Socha are two of the reason's it's so damn good. I will be there with bells on.

Merlin
It's one of my favourite guilty pleasures and is also one of the only panels in which the entire cast will be in attendance along with one of the creators. And if Anthony Head can drop by for a guest appearence, even better.

But there are a couple of things bothing me about Kapow:

1. The Merlin panel clashes with the audience with Mark Gatiss! How can I choose between the two? Mark Gatiss is a genius, a gentleman and a raconteur, but Merlin is silly, fun and easy on the eyes. So, yes, basically this is a decision that boils down to whether I go to listen to a writer and actor I've always admired, or go to ogle Colin Morgan and Bradley James. I'm horribly shallow.

2. Where are the two big British properties: Doctor Who and Harry Potter? Both have big returns coming up and both have a cast and crew that actually live in the country. Doctor Who showed at WonderCon in America last weekend but can't drag its arse to London? Come on BBC, sort it out!

Superhero Shag, Marry, Avoid 3: Green Lanterns

Now, I know what the correct answer to this is: you shag Hal, marry Kyle and avoid Guy. But my relationship to the Green Lanterns of sector 2814 is a little more... complicated.

1. Shag - Kyle Rayner

Hal might be the stud of the Corps, but who wants to be a notch on his (possibly STI-ridden) bedpost? Kyle it is then, even if it would mean running the risk of winding up stuffed in a fridge.

2. Marry - Guy Gardner

Yes, he has stupid hair. Yes, that jacket is unforgivable. But Guy is far and away my favourite Green Lantern and is oddly adorable to boot, with his swaggering over-compensation, his general pig-headedness, and his cute little thing with Ice. Plus, any man who can moon Batman and live to tell the tale is surely marriage material.

3. Avoid - John Stewart

He's been knocking around the DCU for 40 years now and they still haven't managed to give him anything approaching a personality. Hal is the maverick, Guy is the loudmouth slob, Kyle is the senstive one - what's John? The boring one? Frankly, DC has far too few non-white characters to justify wasting their most prominant one.

There's a reason that a Google Image search throws up a bunch of pictures from the (brilliant) Justice League cartoon when you type in 'John Stewart'. At least they actually made something of the character, unlike in the comics. Hell, Aquaman has more cool moments than John Stewart. So, DC, either kill him off and start from scratch by introducing a more interesting black leading male, or do a complete retcon on him, throw a couple of defining features at him and make us care. Because at the moment he still reeks of tokenism, which is pretty much inexcusable in 2011.

(Well, actually, in real life I'd probably avoid Hal. And then he'd tell his mates that he totally did me and Lady Blackhawk AT THE SAME TIME. Whattaguy!)

Superhero Shag, Marry, Avoid 2: Secret Six

Secret Six is hands-down my favourite comic at the moment. It's funny, twisted and has the best group of weirdos ever to grace a team book. But which would I shag, marry and avoid? I fear the choices aren't great...

1. Shag

I'm a straight woman, and therefore should say Deadshot here, despite his taste in dinner jackets. But let's be honest, we all know Jeanette's the best lay on the team.

2. Marry

This has to be Catman, if only so I could shag him multiple times. Plus, the marriage would be clothing-optional, and if anyone insulted my honour he would straight up bite their face off.

Having said that, I think Scandal is the only Secret Sixer who's capable of monogomy.

3. Avoid

Sorry, Ragdoll. You're an oddball and we love you for it, but I don't want your non-existant danglies anywhere near me.

Or, you know, you could just forget all of this and have Catman and Deadshot finally give into the sexual tension and take their beautiful bromance to the next level.

Just because there can never be too much Naked Catman.

Superhero Shag, Marry, Avoid: The Batfamily

That old game, beloved of drunk people everywhere. Given a choice of (usually inappropriate) people, you have to choose which you'd have a one-off wild night of passion with, which you'd marry, and which you'd avoid like a cold sore. And for some reason I haven't played this game before with superheroes.

So, let's start with an easy one: Batfamily Shag, marry, avoid!

1. Shag - Jason Todd


Come on, this is a no-brainer. Anyone who can keep up with Talia's gotta be a demon in the sack. (See also: Bruce Wayne) Jason wears the constant smirk of a man who knows he'll be the best you've ever had and leave you staring at an unringing phone for weeks on end.

2. Marry - Dick Grayson


Tender, loyal, funny, passionate, great arse, heir to billions - is there a more eligible man in the DCU? Plus, he was an acrobat. There's not a single position in the karma sutra that he couldn't get into.

3. Avoid - Tim Drake
He's a lovely guy, but the sexual identity crisis would always be just around the corner. The double dates with Cassie and Kon would be plain awkward.

Plus, I'd never be able to wear heels on date night. Guy is weeny.

Incidentally, I'd go on a night on the town with Kate, shopping with Steph, and I'd be scared to death of Bruce, Babs, Damien and Cass. What about you guys?

Talk Nerdy to Me

Recently I discovered a super power of my own, one shared by every one of my fellow nerdy ladies: the abiliy to turn any male geek in the vicinity into jelly.

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago where I got chatting to a guy. I mentioned comics in passing and his face lit up. We tiptoed around the area, sticking to the cool and acceptible bits. Are you DC or Marvel? What about Vertigo? Isn't Alan Moore great? Then he got a little nervous, clearly gearing up to a question that would either charm me or send me running for the hills in fear of his uber-geekiness. Finally he plucked up the courage to ask if I was aware of The Doom Patrol. Bless him. "Of course," I replied, "but I was always more of a Titans fan." At that his knees literally gave up on supporting his weight.

It's not the first time it's happened and I doubt it will be the last. One guy declared me to be his future wife when he learnt of my love of the Justice League cartoon. Another dated me purely because I watched Smallville. Most recently a man became a wee bit enamoured when he learnt I knew Blade Runner and Alien.

Now, I'm not saying my gift will ever allow me to pull a footballer, but that suits me fine. So long as I can go cruising for some hot geeks at Kapow in April. Because, in my humble straight-girl opinion, there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she likes and isn't ashamed of it, even if one or two people would snigger at it. And a woman in a home made costume having fun with a character she loves is so much hotter than any number of models who are paid to dress as Princess Leia and pose for photos while trying not to look bored.

So, as convention season looms and sales of brightly-coloured spandex sky rockets, I say to my fellow lady-nerds: Go get 'em, tiger. Just remember that with great power over awestruck male minds comes great responsibility.

Hot Pixels

Coming out of Tangled recently with two friends, we were happily discussing the merits of the film. But the one thing it took us a few drinks to work up the courage to mention was that, actually, is it just me or is Flynn Ryder the hottest Disney hero since Aladdin? Answer - well, yes, actually, he is. Look at him.

But the thing that got me thinking was that we were ashamed to admit that a cartoon character could be oddly fanciable. Which is weird, because for years men have quite happily discussed the merits of various animated hotties. I once walked in on a group of my male friends having a heated discussion about who is fitter: Belle or Jasmin (it was Jasmin, by the way). Ever since Jessica Rabbit was just drawn that way, hell, even before that, with comic book and manga heroines, men have been openly lusting after 2D babes.

But women can't quite get away with it. I once admitted to having a crush on Gambit in the 90s X-Men cartoon series as a kid and just got blank looks from my female friends. Is it because women are expected to look beyond appearences when they develop a crush, whereas men are happy with a decent pair of animated breasts? Or is it because most animators are men and they don't see why they would need to draw sexy males? It's a chicken and egg situation: do artists not sexualise male characters as much as female characters because women aren't attracted to cartoons, or are women not attracted to cartoon men because the artisits don't bother making them sexy?

Maybe Disney isn't the best example - it's Disney, it's not meant to be sexy. But it's a long-standing thing in comics that women can fight crime in a thong and contort themselves into bizarre positions where both boobs and bum are pointing at the reader, but the men are covered up like monks. Yes, every so often Bruce Wayne gets out his hairy chest, and yes, all the men are drawn as a physical ideal in the same way the women are, but the women are drawn sexy, and the men are drawn heroic. I have no problem with sexy heroines - if I looked like Starfire, I'd wear a crazy purple cut-away swimsuit all the time too. But I wish the artists would bring just a little more sex appeal to the male characters.

Now, Nicola Scott, she knows what she's doing.

If more heroes were drawn like this, more women would admit to fancying cartoons. That's all I'm saying.