Sunday, 31 January 2010

Cheque, please!

After some recent rejections and failures on the writer front (I'm an aspiring script writer) I've decided to cut loose and live a little by way of shaking off that pesky writer's block. So last night I put on my glad rags and hit the town for a mate's birthday. And, as everyone knows, a birthday party is second only to a houseparty when it comes to copping off with friends-of-friends.

I got chatting to a lovely guy, who of course was already endorsed as not-a-psycho by our mutual friend, and inevitably as the drinks and compliments flowed I did my usual trick of launching myself at him under the pretense of "can you help me carry the drinks back from the bar?" My friends cheered and pointed (although thankfully left their cameras in their bags this time) and gave me their seal of approval. Until one of them uttered the fateful words: "Doesn't he look like you ex?"

Is there are a faster way of turning a girl off than being told that you have just pulled the doppelganger of the bloke you were pretty sure you were over? It's fair to say I lost interest after that. But that's not the worst turn-off I've ever had:

There was the guy who spilt his drink - and then licked it up off the table.

One guy told me I reminded him of his sister shortly before making a pass at me.

One time, mid-snog, the bloke said "I knew I was going to have you as soon as I saw you" - suffice to say, he 'had' nothing more after that.

There was the bloke who had a poster of Beaches on his bedroom wall.

And, worst of all, anyone who says that their favourite programme is 'I'm a Celebrity'.

Best turn-on? The guy who, when I asked him what he liked to read, squirmingly admitted "Batman." A man after my own heart.

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