Superhero Shag, Marry, Avoid 3: Green Lanterns

Now, I know what the correct answer to this is: you shag Hal, marry Kyle and avoid Guy. But my relationship to the Green Lanterns of sector 2814 is a little more... complicated.

1. Shag - Kyle Rayner

Hal might be the stud of the Corps, but who wants to be a notch on his (possibly STI-ridden) bedpost? Kyle it is then, even if it would mean running the risk of winding up stuffed in a fridge.

2. Marry - Guy Gardner

Yes, he has stupid hair. Yes, that jacket is unforgivable. But Guy is far and away my favourite Green Lantern and is oddly adorable to boot, with his swaggering over-compensation, his general pig-headedness, and his cute little thing with Ice. Plus, any man who can moon Batman and live to tell the tale is surely marriage material.

3. Avoid - John Stewart

He's been knocking around the DCU for 40 years now and they still haven't managed to give him anything approaching a personality. Hal is the maverick, Guy is the loudmouth slob, Kyle is the senstive one - what's John? The boring one? Frankly, DC has far too few non-white characters to justify wasting their most prominant one.

There's a reason that a Google Image search throws up a bunch of pictures from the (brilliant) Justice League cartoon when you type in 'John Stewart'. At least they actually made something of the character, unlike in the comics. Hell, Aquaman has more cool moments than John Stewart. So, DC, either kill him off and start from scratch by introducing a more interesting black leading male, or do a complete retcon on him, throw a couple of defining features at him and make us care. Because at the moment he still reeks of tokenism, which is pretty much inexcusable in 2011.

(Well, actually, in real life I'd probably avoid Hal. And then he'd tell his mates that he totally did me and Lady Blackhawk AT THE SAME TIME. Whattaguy!)

Superhero Shag, Marry, Avoid 2: Secret Six

Secret Six is hands-down my favourite comic at the moment. It's funny, twisted and has the best group of weirdos ever to grace a team book. But which would I shag, marry and avoid? I fear the choices aren't great...

1. Shag

I'm a straight woman, and therefore should say Deadshot here, despite his taste in dinner jackets. But let's be honest, we all know Jeanette's the best lay on the team.

2. Marry

This has to be Catman, if only so I could shag him multiple times. Plus, the marriage would be clothing-optional, and if anyone insulted my honour he would straight up bite their face off.

Having said that, I think Scandal is the only Secret Sixer who's capable of monogomy.

3. Avoid

Sorry, Ragdoll. You're an oddball and we love you for it, but I don't want your non-existant danglies anywhere near me.

Or, you know, you could just forget all of this and have Catman and Deadshot finally give into the sexual tension and take their beautiful bromance to the next level.

Just because there can never be too much Naked Catman.

Superhero Shag, Marry, Avoid: The Batfamily

That old game, beloved of drunk people everywhere. Given a choice of (usually inappropriate) people, you have to choose which you'd have a one-off wild night of passion with, which you'd marry, and which you'd avoid like a cold sore. And for some reason I haven't played this game before with superheroes.

So, let's start with an easy one: Batfamily Shag, marry, avoid!

1. Shag - Jason Todd


Come on, this is a no-brainer. Anyone who can keep up with Talia's gotta be a demon in the sack. (See also: Bruce Wayne) Jason wears the constant smirk of a man who knows he'll be the best you've ever had and leave you staring at an unringing phone for weeks on end.

2. Marry - Dick Grayson


Tender, loyal, funny, passionate, great arse, heir to billions - is there a more eligible man in the DCU? Plus, he was an acrobat. There's not a single position in the karma sutra that he couldn't get into.

3. Avoid - Tim Drake
He's a lovely guy, but the sexual identity crisis would always be just around the corner. The double dates with Cassie and Kon would be plain awkward.

Plus, I'd never be able to wear heels on date night. Guy is weeny.

Incidentally, I'd go on a night on the town with Kate, shopping with Steph, and I'd be scared to death of Bruce, Babs, Damien and Cass. What about you guys?