Friday, 18 March 2011

Superhero Shag, Marry, Avoid 3: Green Lanterns

Now, I know what the correct answer to this is: you shag Hal, marry Kyle and avoid Guy. But my relationship to the Green Lanterns of sector 2814 is a little more... complicated.

1. Shag - Kyle Rayner

Hal might be the stud of the Corps, but who wants to be a notch on his (possibly STI-ridden) bedpost? Kyle it is then, even if it would mean running the risk of winding up stuffed in a fridge.

2. Marry - Guy Gardner

Yes, he has stupid hair. Yes, that jacket is unforgivable. But Guy is far and away my favourite Green Lantern and is oddly adorable to boot, with his swaggering over-compensation, his general pig-headedness, and his cute little thing with Ice. Plus, any man who can moon Batman and live to tell the tale is surely marriage material.

3. Avoid - John Stewart

He's been knocking around the DCU for 40 years now and they still haven't managed to give him anything approaching a personality. Hal is the maverick, Guy is the loudmouth slob, Kyle is the senstive one - what's John? The boring one? Frankly, DC has far too few non-white characters to justify wasting their most prominant one.
There's a reason that a Google Image search throws up a bunch of pictures from the (brilliant) Justice League cartoon when you type in 'John Stewart'. At least they actually made something of the character, unlike in the comics. Hell, Aquaman has more cool moments than John Stewart. So, DC, either kill him off and start from scratch by introducing a more interesting black leading male, or do a complete retcon on him, throw a couple of defining features at him and make us care. Because at the moment he still reeks of tokenism, which is pretty much inexcusable in 2011.

(Well, actually, in real life I'd probably avoid Hal. And then he'd tell his mates that he totally did me and Lady Blackhawk AT THE SAME TIME. Whattaguy!)