Saturday, 1 May 2010

Sickness is Weakness

I'm not one to suffer in silence. When I'm ill, I want people to know it and freely offer up pity and phrases like "go home early, I'll cover for you". Then I want them to leave me alone to wallow in my pit of used tissues. Because when I'm under the weather, I lose half my IQ and regress instantly.

It all started when, as an academically ambitious 17 year old, I insisted on trying to drag myself into college even though I could barely stand. I fainted on the bus and had to get a mates mum to pick me up and take me home. My concerned mother rushed home from work to find me sitting quite happily at the coffee table, having discoved my old Aladdin colouring-in book in a drawer and Spy Kids on Sky Movies.

Aside from discovering that Spy Kids is the natural successor of The Goonies and is possibly Robert Rodriguez's best film, I learnt that kids TV is clearly the best thing for getting over a cold. Unchallenging, cheerful escapism, brain optional. I've been watching The Wire for the last few weeks, but have I put a single episode on since I stopped being able to breathe through my nose? No. I've been watching The Sarah-Jane Adventures and MI High. I even spent 10 minutes in front of Basil Brush's Swap Shop this morning, sniggering at every "boom boom!".

Yesterday I went in search of a DVD that fitted the following criteria: mindless fun, must have a handsome man in it. For some reason I then rented Adventureland (far inferior to 2009's other Jesse Eisenberg-starring '-land' film). I regretted it instantly. It's just not an ill film. If I was going with comedy, I'd have been better off with Anchorman or Zoolander, gloriously stupid films, or anything from the 80's. The Princess Bride perhaps. Ghostbusters. Mannequin (which I was inexplicably obsessed with as a child. That and The Mighty Ducks - another great ill film). TV-wise, we're looking at early-era Ugly Betty or of course Glee, which we all know is basically Lemsip on screen. Pushing Daisies is perhaps too rich a confectionary, a kill-or-cure situation.

Anyone got any advice on the best ill films out there? Surely there's a miracle cure somewhere.

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